Paparazzi
by Qwisse
Summary: Rouge gets a new mission from the President. Something about Sonic and Shadow, and the two hedgehogs aren't happy about her spying on their personal lives. Will she survive their wrath? Action! Danger! Hidden truths! Also, mild Sonadow.


**Author's note:**

Was inspired by a new song and recent conversations on the Kelviniana forum. Enjoy the story; if you didn't like it, don't be shy to tell me about it!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters. SEGA does.

* * *

.w.

The President was on the verge of breaking down.

Being a man, he didn't cry, but he couldn't help the shuddering of his lips. What had used to inspire him, to give him strength to overcome the hardships the fate was throwing at him lately… now lay in ruins among with the central part of his White House.

He reached out to take a piece of glossy paper stuck in a heap of glass. A piece of blue quill was all left of a photograph, the one that had once been a picture of Sonic and Shadow with his residence on the background.

It had been his favorite photograph.

The President regarded it for a few more minutes, then stood up abruptly; his face was that of a man ready for anything. He strode out of the room and up the hallways, sweeping aside anyone who happened to find themselves on his way. When he made it onto the roof, he lit up a searchlight with a bat-shaped insignia over the lens and pointed it towards the sky.

After several minutes of waiting a certain bat girl appeared, with her hair uncombed and her face radiating displeasure.

"I have a very important mission for you, agent Rouge," the President said.

* * *

.w.

Half an hour later, both were sitting in the ruins of the President's study. The bat girl was yawning demonstratively, but the man paid no attention.

"So you want me to take a picture of Sonic and Shadow again, right?" she asked in the end, just to make sure she hadn't misunderstood.

The President nodded. "Yes. I miss the photo, but, as much as I hate to admit it, I was going to ask you to take another one even before the alien attack. The previous photo lacked some spark in it."

"All right. Will do. What do you want the photo to look like?"

"Oh, nothing too fanciful," the man said, his face brightening. "The photo has to portray Sonic and Shadow, of course. Only I want it to be clear that they're Sonic and Shadow, see? On your previous photo, Shadow was standing with his back towards the camera, and it was easy to mistake him for someone else. I want him to face the camera this time. Next, Sonic. The pose with his thumb up and a grin is his trademark, I know, but don't you think it becomes unoriginal nowadays? It'd be nice if you asked him to come up with something new. Nothing too much; two thumbs-up will do, I believe. The background… it'll take some time to restore the White House, so you'll have to look for something else. Try to make sure the shot is clear of any Black Alien corpses, okay? I wouldn't like to look at the creatures every day. Some landscape would be perfect. The day has to be clear and sunny, of course, and… wait! Make that sunny, with some picturesque clouds in the sky. In fact, I have a very good photo of the sky, if only you could use it as an example… now, where was it…" he dove into his mobile phone.

Rouge wished she hadn't asked.

"It's a tricky task," she said, staring at her boss. "I mean, don't you know how much they dislike each other? It was hard enough the last time."

The man looked up. "Are you still here? Oh, good. Maybe there should be mountains, what do you think?"

She was gone in a blink.

* * *

.w.

Her plan was simple: send Sonic a note inviting him for a race, sign it as Shadow; send Shadow the same note, sign it as Sonic; wait for the hedgehogs to meet and make some photos during the conversation. She wasn't entirely sure both could write, but she hoped to be gone by the time they realized the trick.

One of them being unable to read would be much more of a problem, she believed.

She felt partially relieved after seeing Shadow approach the appointed place – a nice clearing in Station Square's central park. Station Square wasn't damaged by Black Doom as heavily as Central City, and the alien bodies the President despised so much were already removed. She had to spend some time to study the unfamiliar city's layout, though, in case of speedy retreat.

Rouge herself occupied a bunch of rich bushes at the edge of the clearing. The position allowed her to get a shot of the whole place without being seen.

Suddenly, Sonic appeared. Rouge twitched to press the shutter button; too late. The blue hedgehog prostrated on the ground, hugging Shadow's knees.

"Shadow! Man, I owe my life to you! This race saved me from a date with Amy!"

The bat blinked. She doubted the President would be satisfied with such a scene. An inward curse followed; Rouge was silently urging Sonic to move.

Shadow agreed with her. The faker dared to use him as a cover from his girlfriend! He just knew the world wasn't done laughing at him. His lips formed a scowl, and he tried to get away. "You know I didn't do that to save you. And this is the last time you ever talked me into racing you; now, get up and let's get this over with."

Sonic looked up; jade eyes, still moist from tears of gratitude, above a surprised muzzle formed a stunning picture. "I talked you? Hey, you talked me into a race. Or lettered. You forgot already?"

A hiss came from the ultimate life form. This mock was the last straw for him; he jerked backwards, desperate to break free. He managed to loosen one leg from the grip; another remained in Sonic's hug, though, and the movement dragged the hero up to his feet. With his limb suspended in the air like this, Shadow lost his balance. He started falling back; the amount of surprise on Sonic's face doubled when he realized the hover skate in his hands was pulling him forward, too–

Then, the unthinkable happened. Wide-eyed, with her mouth agape, Rouge pressed the button, only vaguely aware of what she was doing.

_Snap._

She jumped, looking down. Of course, the cheap government camera didn't even have a silent shooting mode. The bat looked back up to find both hedgehogs staring at the bushes. Very intently.

_Oh shit._

* * *

.w.

Station Square was already used to hedgehogs running down the streets at the speed of sound. The drivers almost didn't twitch when they saw a blue or yellow whirlwind coming straight at them.

It wasn't used to bats doing the same, though.

At the very beginning, Sonic and Shadow dropped behind; they had a good reason to. But they were bound to catch up with her soon, and she had to get as far away from them as possible within the given time.

She suddenly remembered she could fly.

Rouge glided between the buildings, careful not to rise too high to get noticed. She kept twisting the camera at the same time. The lid, the clips, no, not those ones, more lids, more clips, oh damn it, where was it…

Aha. The memory card. Now, to find a hide for it.

After the deed was done, the bat peeked round the corner. A casino was there; she could pretend she had been there the whole time–

"Gotcha!" with that, a sack was put on her head.

–or not.

* * *

.w.

Shadow was busy tying Rouge to a chair inside an abandoned warehouse. He could feel Sonic's gaze drilling into the back of his head.

"Are you sure those ties are reliable?" the hero asked.

"Of course! Mari– er, I mean someone-I-forgot-who-it-was taught me to do them. They are failsafe."

"You guys know I'm still awake, don't you?" the bat asked through the fabric.

"Didn't I hit you hard enough?"

"You forgot to. It was just a sack."

"My bad. But, you know, I can always fix that," with those words, Shadow pulled the sack off her head.

With her hair standing upright from the treatment, Rouge resembled an angry albino pineapple. "Well?" she snapped.

"No, it was my question. Well?" Two pieces of paper and a camera were shoved up under her nose. She sneezed.

"My boss fired me," the agent tried. "I'm a paparazzi now. Not too good at that stuff yet, I know."

"Liar," the black hedgehog said coldly. "Do you know what happens to liars?"

"They become presidents?"

"They're tortured."

Sonic stepped forward, holding something. Rouge recognized green lipstick, yellow eyeshadow, and blue blusher; her eyes widened. "You won't dare!"

The hero opened the lipstick.

"Fine, fine! The President wanted a photo of you two."

He exposed a good measure of sickeningly green substance.

"Look, I have nothing to do with it, got it?" she started twisting in her bindings. "You can consult the President's personal psychotherapist about the matter. I know he has one."

Two hedgehogs exchanged glances.

"So he needed a photo… of me and the faker, right?" Shadow sounded incredulous. "Why?"

"Because he's a fan of yours? You know, he just wants to keep it on his table and look at your cute muzzles from time to time."

"Couldn't you just, I dunno, have used Photoshop or something to fake a photo for him?" asked Sonic.

This earned him a furious look from Rouge. "I've done that the last time, but that one photo was ruined during the alien raid. And what am I, a graphic designer? I'm a spy! I stalk on people."

"Why didn't you just ask us?"

"Would you agree?"

The three of them stared at one another for some time.

"Anyway, we have a problem here," Shadow finally said. "The President must not see the photo you've taken. In fact," he added, squinting at his doppelganger, "nobody must. Where is it?"

"The camera is in your hands."

"It's empty. Whatever is that thing where you store photos is called, it's gone. Again, where is it?"

"Where do you think I could have put it, genius? This suit doesn't have pockets."

There was another stare exchange. Then, their gazes slowly traveled downwards, to where her heart-shaped chest plate was. When the gazes returned to a normal height, Rouge looked curious, and Shadow's face was a deadpan. Well, more of a deadpan than it usually was.

"Faker, search her," he said.

"Um. Maybe we should call Vanilla?"

Rouge sighed. This wasn't the usual effect she had on men.

Shadow's brow knitted. Being an ultimate life form meant having an ultimate brain, and his was now exerting itself to find a way out of the awkward situation.

"I have a better idea."

* * *

.w.

"Isn't that uncomfortable?" Sonic wondered warily.

"Not at all. Nice of you to worry about me, faker."

Rouge wanted to offer several comments on the matter, but she held them to herself. At the moment Shadow was standing atop an old table, holding the chair with her still tied to it upside down. She didn't want to give him reasons to think of dropping her.

He decided to shake the memory card out of the bat. Literally.

"If I say again that I don't have the card, will you believe me?" Rouge asked from below.

"No."

"I just knew that."

Shadow gave her an experimental shake, and the blue hedgehog covered his eyes in horror. The sounds the suffering bat was making could make even Tails Doll lose his mind.

"Carefu-u-ul! Or you-u-u'll see-e-e what I-I-I had fo-o-o-r lu-u-unch!"

The threat made Sonic squeeze his eyes ever more tightly. Shadow remained unperturbed, though, and the treatment went on. Soon, Rouge's voice halted; Shadow's huffs and puffs died down soon after that. The hero dared to peek through his fingers.

"Are you done?"

"Not yet. I'm just thinking: what if I'm shaking her the wrong side down?"

"You know, I still think we should just ask Vanilla to– is she asleep?"

Shadow pulled the bat closer to his face; indeed, her eyes were closed, and her muzzle was too calm and peaceful for someone in her position. It was beginning to turn red from blood pressure, though. "I hope she is," the dark hedgehog said. "Because if she's not, she's dead. And she hasn't told us where the damned card is yet."

"I don't think she's dead," Sonic shifted uneasily. "It's just… er… what do you say when someone starts drooling when a lightbulb lights up?"

"…Reflexes?"

"Yeah, them. She's a bat, she sleeps hanging upside down from some beams in attics. When you turned her upside down, her reflexes ticked, and she fell asleep. That's it."

The ultimate life form gave him a suspicious look, but his blue look-alike seemed to be genuinely proud with his deductions. Sighing, he got off the table and put the chair to the floor. The bat didn't wake up. "You better keep thinking, faker. We have to find the card, otherwise we're screwed."

"Yeah. And we have to think something about Rouge, too. She's a witness, and they're usually killed in the movies."

"Ah, that's not a problem," Shadow produced his Shadow Rifle. Sonic blinked; he failed to notice where the monster weapon had come from.

"Hold on, I didn't mean _we_ should kill her! We're not in a movie, are we?"

"We can leave her here tied to the chair," said the kindest life form in the Universe. "Hunger and thirst will kill her, not we."

"Oh, no. Leaving her isn't right. There should be another way to make her never, ever tell anyone about what she has seen."

Shadow raised his rifle.

"_Without_ killing her! And without injuring her seriously, knowing the way you think."

"Define 'seriously', faker."

"Ah, forget it. Let's just wait until she wakes up."

Since the only chair in the room was occupied by Rouge, they sat on the floor with their backs against the wall. The waiting was alright with Shadow – he could stare at one point doing nothing for hours. Sonic, though, got bored soon enough. After looking over the place and finding out that there was nothing edible or overly interesting inside, he decided to bring up a conversation.

"How many photos do you think she has made?" Sonic eventually asked.

"One. Don't pretend you haven't heard the sound."

Sonic's smirk appeared like a crescent moon poking out the clouds. "Heh heh. Then I have nothing to worry about. Unlike you."

"Think about all those fangirls you are going to lose because of one stupid photo."

"I'll get new ones, too; you know how it works with fans. You imagine what people will be talking about _your_ ultimate-ness after seeing the photo."

Slowly, dangerously, like an iceberg emerging from the mists in front of a passenger liner, Shadow stood up. "It appears you want me to consider you yet another witness to take care of," he said, separating every word.

It wasn't something that could throw Sonic off. "Give it a try and make my day. Oh wait– you already have done that."

Shadow grinned. He had finally found someone to beat for all the humiliation he had suffered that day.

* * *

.w.

Rouge opened her eyes cautiously. The hedgehogs seemed to be too busy beating the breaths out of one another, so she dared to study her bindings. The ties were cute bow knots – after all, it was Maria who had taught Shadow about them.

It took her mere seconds to undo them and flee.

After several streets separated her from her former prison, she could finally relax and have a good laugh. The suckers! They thought she kept the card in her breasts. Of course she wasn't that stupid.

Maneuvering through the city, she found an imperceptible door with a 'Do not enter' sign. A golden ring leading into a Special Zone was behind it. Forcing her hand through it, she tried to feel about for her stocks. A ring, another ring, more rings, ouch – a bomb, a sphere, more fancily colored spheres…

Here. The card.

Obtaining photos from it was a piece of cake.

* * *

.w.

Finally, after all the trouble she had had to go through, with her hair in a mess and her clothes torn in several places from sitting in the bushes, Rouge was looking at the only photo she had managed to take.

Sonic had been probably worried about it being a picture of him hugging Shadow's legs, but it wasn't the case.

Two hedgehogs were present on a grassy lawn on the picture. The blue one was holding a white and black hover skate with almost comical astonishment written on his face; the dark one was sitting on his rear with his eyes still shut tight from the landing. He had a hover skate on his right foot, and a short white cuffless sock on another. There was a hole against the hallux.

Rouge stared at it for some time, deciding if it matched the President's definition of a spark. When she realized the answer, she sighed.

"I guess it's Photoshop again."

Still, she decided to keep the picture. She liked nice souvenirs.


End file.
